Musings and a Question on Changing Churches

We've been thinking about changing churches. For the past six months we've been attending an evangelical Lutheran (ELCA) church a few miles from our home. We were attracted to it by its lively worship, welcoming programs for high schoolers, and the many opportunities to serve others.

The people are welcoming and warm, but thankfully, they won't chase you to your car to recruit you or breathlessly ask if you've yet accepted Jesus.

It's a down-to-earth,comfortable bunch. On Sundays at the second service, the church is filled with people dressed in "business casual" as well as t-shirts and shorts. (It's rare at most churches these days to see men in suits and women dressed to the "nines," as was the case in my youth.)

The pews are filled with young and old, middle aged and middle schoolers. There are twentysomething couples with hair I personally don't understand, and a subtle tattoo or two I don't want to understand. There are thirtysomethings in trendy attire, freshly brewed Starbucks in hand. There are families with squirmy young children, and empty-nesters beaming in their childlessness. The pews are filled with the pretty and not-so-pretty.....attractiveness and style of dress are not a prerequisite for belonging. There's one rumpled, elderly man with a frizzy crown of white-gray hair who serves as usher. It gives him purpose, and everyone knows him.

The two middle-aged pastors are likewise warm and friendly, and seem to recognize all faces and names. They preach of service and helping others, of health and moderation in all things, of building a medical clinic in Africa and of a summer mission trip to Brazil, of faithfulness in worship and Bible study. They preach of peacemaking and social justice, and at all times, express their personal imperfections and frailties.

There is no bureaucratic kingdom teeming with assistants and associates, fancy program designers and singles/recreation/recovery/divorce/young married/seniors/small group ministry specialists. Just two experienced, hands-on pastors, a couple administrative employees and an empty high school pastor slot being filled by two local seminary students. And hundreds of "partners in ministry" (not the archaic "members") teaching Sunday School, leading Bible study, serving coffee and donuts, greeting at the Welcome Center and much more.

It's actually not a small church. Sunday attendance at the three services may reach 800 or more, and the membership roster lists 1,500 to 2,000 names.

Akin to dating, we're taking our time to get to know the church. Truthfully, we're pondering joining this congregation as a "partner in ministry," but we're not so sure about joining a big denomination again, and don't know much about committing to be a Lutheran.
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You see, until four and a half years ago, I had been a Presbyterian for all my almost-50 years. In the past 15 years, I became an ordained elder and ordained deacon in the Presbyterian Church (PCUSA). What I learned about denominational politics wasn't pretty. In fact at times and over many subjects, it was ugly, mean-spirited and cruel. Anything but loving and kind. ( Love is patient and kind....") Rolls for this 110-year-old church rapidly dwindled, and the music and style of worship were straight out of the 1950s. (All of the music.)

So the Holy Spirit led us to seek a new church in which to joyfully worship in the 21st century. Our then-elementary age daughter enjoyed a local evangelical semi-mega church, so we jumped in and joined.

But times have changed over the past four-plus years. As that semi-mega church became more politically active in quite conservative realms, it also also morphed in other ways.....it became uninvolved in and detached from local community affairs, and actually serves no local health or welfare (hunger, homeless, etc.) organizations in any meaningful, substantial or helpful way.

The millions in annual tithes go to three main areas: building maintenance, salaries for a growing multiplicity of staff, and overseas missions to evangelize, but not to provide assistance.

The church atmosphere is decidedly emotional, and church lay leaders emote during praise songs, and shout amen after salient sermon points. And to be deeply respected, you need to know the Bible very, very well. And vote Republican.

Here's the rub....campus facilities are lovely, the people are nice, and the music is divinely touching. And we have friends there. It's a community unto itself, and it takes care of its own. It's a very comfortable place...if you pass judgment.

But....it feels like delicious candy-coating around a center of air. There's no spiritual growth. There's no loving every neighbor as we love ourselves; it's about loving only neighbors who might become church members. There's little serving others outside the church "family." Pastors and church leaders will even state that their first goal is to build community within the church.

Our daughter is now a high school freshman, and in need of a creative, challenging church group. But the semi-mega church's high school group emphasizes parties, coolness, emotional logic, sports, fluff and lots of emotion. In the spirit of attracting numbers and "accepting" everyone, young women attendees dress and flirt provocatively, and young men attendees seem perpetually obsessed with horseplay and sports. Intellectual scholarship is shunned, and almost all attend local Christian colleges or junior college. High school leadership is generally limited to the children of staff.
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So we made the difficult decision to look around elsewhere. Difficult to leave because we love some people there.....but difficult to stay because the spiritual meal is unsatisfying; difficult to stay because we often have to hide our views and perspectives, which don't always toe the church "family" line of acceptability.

We've remained active in a weekly small group, though, to keep in frequent touch with a handful of semi-mega churchers.

Last night, the small group met at our home. In preparation, we took days to clean and spruce up the house. (I confess...it was holiday cleaning, too.) I carefully prepared a lesson, and even distributed helpful read-aheads the week before. I made a yummy lemon dessert, and set a pretty table to serve all.

One family lost the read-aheads and never told us, and another hurriedly skimmed it in the car to our home. I discovered later that considerable tension exists between two couples, a state made palpably clear during the lesson. In consideration for all viewpoints, I attempted to serve as facilitator for discussion, but they just wanted to sit and be taught. Some members of the feuding families rushed out to their cars after the lesson, and never said thank you or good-bye. The evening was not a success, all things considered.

People behaving melodramatically, based on their feelings...it's a pattern at this semi-mega church. Frankly, it's tiresome and self-absorbed, and it gets in the way of spirituality and worship.

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So I feel sad today, and at a loss. Inevitably, I guess we will lose touch with most of our semi-mega church friends. Yes, the semi-mega church environment is myopic and emotionally dysfunctional. And no, we don't fit in with the preferred model of a member.

Our daughter, a bright girl who can go to college wherever she chooses, needs and wants to be in an intellectually supportive and emotionally stable church group environment.

We desire to be in a church where the theology reflects the loving, serving Gospel of Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace. And deep down, we know that God's plan is not about us being comfortable, hearing delightful music, and hanging with our friends.....God also planted in us a hunger to study, grow and serve.

But we're afraid to jump in again and "join" another church. How do we know that all is as it seems? I think we'll keep dating for a while, but perhaps take a more serious look at our date, with an eye to possible commitment. We're just not yet ready for marriage....

Rosa Parks: Never Doubted the Presence of the Lord

"I can't think of any time when I actually doubted the presence of the Lord. There were times, of course, when I felt somewhat discouraged, but I don't dwell on anything negative when it comes to my life. I think negative attitudes are very destructive, so I think positively and have hope in the future and in those people who are willing to live good lives and do the very best that they can to help themselves and other people."

- Rosa Parks, as quoted by Christianity Today in April of 1995

Pagans, Irish Catholics, Puritans & Victorians - History of Halloween

This is an intriguing Halloween read, from The Writers' Almanac by Garrison Keillor.
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Today is Halloween, one of the oldest holidays in the Western European tradition.

Today, 70 percent of American households will open their doors and offer candy to strangers, most of them children; 50 percent of Americans will take photographs of family or friends in costume; and the nation as a whole will spend more than six billion dollars. In terms of dollars spent, it is the second most popular holiday of the year in this country, after Christmas.

For the Celtic people of Northeastern Europe, November 1st was New Year's Day, and October 31 was the last night of the year. Celts believed it was the night that spirits, ghosts, fairies and goblins freely walked the earth. Archaeologists aren't entirely sure what all the traditions were, but they believe the holiday involved bonfires, dressing up in costumes to scare away evil spirits, and offering food and drink to the spirits of family members who had come back to visit the home.

It was Pope Gregory III in the eighth century A.D. who tried to turn Halloween into a Christian holiday to divert Northern Europeans from celebrating an old pagan ritual. He made November 1st All Saints Day, and October 31 became All Hallows Eve. Instead of providing food and drink to the spirits, Christians were encouraged to provide food and drink to the poor. And instead of dressing up like animals and ghosts, Christians were encouraged to dress up like their favorite saints.

In the United States, Puritans tried to outlaw Halloween, in part because of its association with Catholicism. So it was the Irish Catholics who brought Halloween to this country, when they immigrated here in great numbers after the potato famine in the 1840's. Since the Irish were largely poor and oppressed, Halloween became a holiday for them to let off steam by pulling pranks, hoisting wagons onto barn roofs, releasing cows from their pastures, and committing all kinds of mischief involving outhouses. Treats evolved as a way to bribe the vandals and protect homes.

But by the late 1800's, Victorian women's magazines began to offer suggestions for celebrating Halloween in wholesome ways, with barn dancing and apple bobbing. And by the early 20th Century, it became a holiday for children more than adults. In 1920, the Ladies' Home Journal made the first known reference to children going door to door for candy, and by the 1950's it was a universal practice in this country. By 1999, 92 percent of America's children were trick-or-treating.

What's interesting about Halloween is that it has no real connection to the majority religion of this country, it does not celebrate an event in our nation's past, it does not involve traveling to visit family, and it doesn't even give us a day off work.

But it gives us the chance to try out other identities. For one day, people can feel free to dress as the opposite gender, as criminals, as superheroes, celebrities, animals, or even inanimate objects. But Halloween retailers report that the most popular costumes remain some variation on witches, ghosts, and devils.

Thoughts on Halloween Costumes

I've never been one of those Christians who made a big, silly fuss over the evils of Halloween. They're overreacting. Pick your battles wisely, I say, and cute kids dressing up imaginatively, having some fun and savoring candy is not a wise battle. It's no battle at all. It's charming, childhood memory-making.

But...we recently got a junk mail ad from Party City, a 20-store Southern Caifornia retail chain that sells colorful party plates and napkins, hundreds of invites and cards, streamers and party decor, wrapping papers and ribbons, baby and wedding shower do-dads and apparently, Halloween costumes.

I opened the ad, expecting to admire cute costumes...bunnies, pumpkins, ballerinas, firemen and football players. Instead, I found something entirely different.

Over 90% of the large-format, full-color six-page ad was devoted to ...well, here's a sampling of the costume names.

For teens (teen need costumes?), Draco dark underlord, zombie cheerleader, dark angel, gothic pirate lady, graveyard fairy, Prince Alarming, phantom, gauze zombie, vampire mistress, teen witch, punk pirate, crypt master, Demonica and gothic ballerina.

And for teens searching for a sex-infused Halloween look, there's sexy rag doll, Venus, French maid deluxe, dragon geisha, runaway princess and....I kid you not....Handy Candy.

The majority of the ad is devoted to costumes for elementary school boys and girls. For boys' costumes, Party City offers bleeding chest skeleton, Lord Lucifer, Commander Blade, ghoul with light-up eyes, crypt master and scorpion shadow ninja. And yes, a limited collection of uniforms for weapon-wielding professions....SWAT team, policeman and Delta Force.

For elementary-age girls, devil flames diva, jazzy witch, vampiretta, sparkle spiderella, goth hoop vamp, red hot, double trouble, glam rock diva and some sort of anti-cheerleader thng dubbed bad spirit.

The small ad section for infants/ toddlers was admittedly adorable to this new grandmother....pea in a pod, butterfly, Raggedy Ann, Thomas the Tank Engine and the cutest pink leopard.
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I suppose I'm hopelessly out of tune with the trends. But I'm now having second thoughts about Halloween....

The intense darkness of the costumes in this ad speaks volumes about what appeals to kids and teenagers today. Supressing silly costumes solves almost nothing.....it's our country's current culture of death, darkness and meanness that causes this spiritual blackness.

But do we need a special occasion to celebrate and embrace the dark side?

A Once Dreaded Title Is Now My Favorite Word

I can't even remember the day when I dreaded owning the title grandmother. The name once frightened me....it meant aging and time going by too fast, and nonsense about vanity, pride and similar hazy foolishness.

My beautiful five-month-old grandaughter spent two afternoons with me this week, and suddenly grandmother is one of my favorite words.

I've had dozens of titles in my life.....daughter, granddaughter, sister, friend, girlfriend, wife, mother and aunt. And then there's student, parishioner, worker, accountant, business owner, writer and, truthfully, many more than I can recall at this instant.

My life has been defined by all these roles. But today, as I held precious young life in my arms, the Holy Spirit filled me with an indescribable love for her. This new role seems to occupy an important place in God's Plan for me.

Grandmother....it has a magical, deeply renewing ring to it!

Hero of the Month: A Long Island, New York High School Principal

L.I. Principal Cancels 'Bacchanalian' Prom by Frank Eltman, Associated Press Writer

Kenneth M. Hoagland had heard all the stories about prom-night debauchery at his Long Island high school: Students putting down $10,000 to rent a house in the Hamptons for a weekend bash. Pre-prom cocktail parties followed by a trip to the dance in a limo loaded with liquor. Fathers chartering a boat so their kids could go out on a late-night "booze cruise."

Enough was enough, Hoagland said. So the principal of Kellenberg Memorial High School fired off a 2,000-word missive to parents at the start of the school year informing them that the Catholic school would no longer put on the spring prom.

"It is not primarily the sex/booze/drugs that surround this event, as problematic as they might be; it is rather the flaunting of affluence, assuming exaggerated expenses, a pursuit of vanity for vanity's sake — in a word, financial decadence," Brother Hoagland said, fed up with what he calls the "bacchanalian aspects" of the prom.

"Each year it gets worse — becomes more exaggerated, more expensive, more emotionally traumatic," he added. "We are withdrawing from the battle and allowing the parents full responsibility. (Kellenberg) is willing to sponsor a prom, but not an orgy."

The move has brought a mixed, albeit passionate, reaction from students and parents.
"I don't think it's fair, obviously, that they canceled prom," said senior Alyssa Johnson of Westbury. "There are problems with the prom, but I don't think their reasons or the actions they took solved anything."

In his letter, Hoagland cited a litany of problems that he says have developed over the years. He began a dialogue on the future of the prom last spring after it was discovered that 46 Kellenberg seniors made a $10,000 down payment on a $20,000 rental in the Hamptons for a post-prom party. When school officials found out, they forced the students to cancel the deal; the kids got their money back and the prom went on as planned.

But Hoagland said some parents went ahead and rented a Hamptons house anyway.

Amy Best, an associate professor of sociology and anthropology at George Mason University in Virginia and the author of "Prom Night: Youth, Schools and Popular Culture," said this is the first time she has heard of a school canceling the prom for such reasons.

"A lot of people have lamented the growing consumption that surrounds the prom," she said, noting it is not uncommon to see students pay $1,000 on the prom and the surrounding folderol: dresses that cost hundreds, tuxedo rentals, flowers, limousines, pre- and post-prom parties.

Best pinned some of the blame for the burgeoning costs on parents, who are often willing to open their wallets for whatever their child demands. "It is a huge misperception that the kids themselves are totally driving this."

Edward Lawson, the father of a Kellenberg senior, said he and other parents are discussing whether to organize a prom for their children without the sponsorship of the 2,500-student school, which features pristine athletic fields, immaculate hallways and the latest in audio-visual technology.

"This is my fourth child to go through Kellenberg and I don't think they have a right to judge what goes on after the prom," he said. "They put everybody in the category of drinkers and drug addicts. I don't believe that's the right thing to do."

Some parents lined up in their cars outside the school to pick up their children on a recent afternoon said they are backing Hoagland.

"The school has excellent values," said Margaret Cameron of Plainview. "We send our children here because we support the values and the administration of the school and I totally back everything they do. I trust my child with them and I trust everything, all the decisions they make for them."

Hoagland said in an interview that parents, who pay $6,025 in annual tuition, have expressed appreciation for his stern stand. "For some, it (the letter) was an eye-opener," he said. "Others feel relieved that the pressure is off of them."

Seeking True Inner Silence

"To make possible true inner silence, practice:

Silence of the eyes, by seeking always the beauty and goodness of God everywhere, closing them to the faults of others and to all that is sinful and disturbing to the soul;

Silence of the ears, by listening always to the voice of God and to the cry of the poor and the needy, closing them to all other voices that come from fallen human nature, such as gossip, tale-bearing and uncharitable words;

Silence of the tongue, by praising God and speaking the life-giving Word of God that is the Truth, that enlightens and inspires, brings peace, hope and joy, and by refraining from self-defense and every word that brings darkness, turmoil, pain and death;

Silence of the mind, by opening it to the truth and knowledge of God in prayer and contemplation, like Mary who pondered the marvels of the Lord in her heart, and by closing it to all untruths, distractions, destructive thoughts, rash judgments, false suspicions of others, revengeful thoughts, and desires;

Silence of the heart, by loving God with our heart, soul, mind and strength, and one another as God loves, and avoiding all selifishness, hatred, envy, jealousy and greed.

I shall keep the silence of my heart with greater care, so that in the silence of my heart I hear His words of comfort and from the fullness of my heart I comfort Jesus in the distressing disguise of the poor.

For in the silence and purity of the heart, God speaks."

-- Mother Teresa from "Life, A User's Manual - Great Minds on the Big Questions"