Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The Craigslist Killer and Men with Secret Lives

Megan McAllister, fiance of the alleged Craigslist killer, Philip Markoff, is a lucky woman today. The stars of good fortune are shining on her.

She doesn't feel gratitude yet, though. Probably still rues it as the worst day of her life when her beloved ("a beautiful man inside and out... He would not hurt a fly!") was wrongly accused and arrested in a terrible case of mistaken identity.

Of course, Megan could be proven correct. But the circumstantial evidence is extremely strong: emails traced to his IP address, security cameras and cell phone pings placing him at several of the crimes, corroborating evidence at his apartment.

At minimum, Philip has been leading a dangerous double life... one living up to everyone's expectations of a perfect guy ("He is intelligent, loyal, and the best fiance a woman could ask for.); the other, a cold, hostile misogynist who thrives on the angry acts of a powerless little boy.

I know. I've known two such men: my ex-husband and a young pastor.

Similar to Philip, both led double lives:
  • one life as the perfect guy, loved by his wife, adored by his children, admired by the world as a golden boy-man, beaming with promise and good looks, intelligence and charm.

  • a second, secret life crammed with repeated rebellions tailored to shock and hurt the people who love them.

These men break the hearts of the people who love them... people who never truly grasp the reasons for the golden man's painful, often heinous, betrayal.

Harsh reality reveals that we never really knew these men, Megan. Reality reveals that they craved an audience who believed in their goodness, but these men are incapable of returning mature love. Or of truth.

Move on, Megan. For your sake, forgive Philip, release your pain, and move on. Chalk your romance up to a close-call and a cautionary lesson well-learned.

You don't realize it yet, but this is the best day of your young life. Trust me on this.

(Photo of fiances Philip Markoff and Megan McAllister in happier times.)

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